dbmcclellan.com

Let’s see, where to begin….

Back story

For those of you following along in your hymnals, skip down to the next major topic, you’ve already read my previous posts and know a thing or two about my life.  For those of you who haven’t been tracking my plight, I’ll give you the Reader’s Digest version and you can consider yourself up-to-date.  Here goes:

I had cancer.  It should be all gone now, but that always seems to be a hopeful statement not based on data.  The doctors have very specific tests they can run for very specific illnesses, but really, you never know until the wheels begin to fall off your cart.  My cancer was apparently contained within the prostate gland.  Dr. Chan removed it, so my body should be cancer free.  Certainly Prostate Cancer free, right?  Oh sure, they suck blood out of my arm every 3 months, test it and tell me the PSA numbers indicate I don’t have Prostate Cancer anymore, but really who knows what surprises await inside our bodies?  I could (heck, we all could) have skin cancer or some unknown tumor growing somewhere, all we can do is work toward good health and live our lives as best we can.

My story goes like this

I ride a road bike.  When I ride my bike, I go to the extreme limits of my capability, no matter the distance.  I ride to work hard, I go up hills until my legs are burning, I ride fast when the road is flat or tilts favorably down.  And this is not by design.  I don’t get on my bike and think about going hard or going fast.  I just love to go fast!  Must be remnants of the Adrenaline Junkie I was back in my 20’s.  Have you ever heard the comment “rode hard, put away wet”?  That’s me after a ride.  I ride hard, sweat like a race horse, and revel in the after-glow of a job well done.  Perhaps it is sheer exhaustion, but it feels the same as great!

Back in 2010 I was happily riding all over the place.  In October I did a 103 mile ride beginning in Santa Rosa known as Levi’s Gran Fondo.  The ride challenged its many thousands of cyclists with lots of hills, some very steep, a several mile jaunt down the coastline (on Hiway 1), more hills, all very steep, and a return to Santa Rosa.  103 miles, and I was loving life when I was done…..perhaps because I was done!  Two days later I was peeing blood.  Long story short, I had a too-big-for-the-tube kidney stone.  Surgery was required to remove it and it was finally removed in December.  In March of 2011, because my doc had found my prostate a bit “lumpy”, performed a biopsy.  That test showed the gland was full of cancer.  Ugh!  After much deliberation about existing treatments and procedures, we scheduled a prostatectomy (removal of the prostate).  There are lots of options and this was a big decision but my final thought was “why babysit this problem?  Lets solve it now”.  And we did.

So I was off my bike from mid-March of 2011 to sometime in July of that year.  When I began trying to ride again it was always a short distance, never difficult, and I understandably had lost my drive to go hard.  Winter settled in sometime in December and I gladly put my bike away and went about life doing that thing I do.  January came and it was seriously cold.  February, just like January, was cold too, and I did not miss riding at all.  Sure, I thought about it, but really truly I had no plans to get on that carbon horse I named CashFlow until the weather turned more pleasant in Spring.  Sometime in March (unbeknownst to me) I began working on excuses to NOT ride.

That’s probably enough info to get you caught up, let’s get this story started.

I Fail at Failing

May is Bike Month around here and has been going on in Sacramento since 2007.  Every year I make a pledge at work that I will ride XXX miles.  In the year 2007 I rode 801 miles, 2008 was 751, and 2009 was 733 miles.  I think in 2010 I rode somewhere in the high 600’s and 2011 saw 86 miles recorded in the two and a half weeks because of the little problem I was dealing with.  This year, my pledge is to ride 600 miles and I secretly expect at least 700.  Goals have been set and positive results will occur!

After today’s ride to work, when I was out of my cycling kit and getting ready for work, I realized I had somehow been NOT INTERESTED in riding.  Not the way I used to be anyway.  Oh sure, on the outside I’m all hard core about riding, but in some way, way back inside my brain, I was not buying it.  All that “rode hard, put away wet” and “riding like I stole something” had worked its’ way OUT OF MY mind and had slowly been replaced with thoughts like “you can’t” and “you shouldn’t” and “what if you’re not healthy” and all sorts of other negativity.  But I went hard anyway because I really don’t know how to fail.

As an example of that, here’s a question for you.  You know when you’re not good at something?  You try, fail, and move on?  I mean, it’s not fun being rotten at something!  That’s me and basketball.  I can’t make a shot to save my life!  Maybe I can make a shot since a “miss” is still a shot, but you know what I mean, I can’t make a basket, especially during a game.  Yes, I can play the game of HORSE and yes I can sink a shot (made one from 150′ once.  Threw it like a football.  Resulted in a swish, which was more than awesome!  Ask Brother Don, he’ll tell you the same thing.), but playing a game of basketball with teams and such, all looking to score the ball, well, I am NOT THAT GUY.  To celebrate my inability to play basketball, I joined a team.  And when I was a part of that team I found out I am one heckuva defensive freak!  If you pass me the ball, I get rid of it like it is radioactive hot.  I’m smart like that.  But when YOU get the ball, I cover you like sunshine…I am on you like white on rice….and you will either do something magical or rid yourself of that ball because I will take it away, block it, or make your life miserable until you relieve yourself of this terrible responsibility called “ball control”.  That’s my Method of Operation.  My MO.  And it worked.  I think it proves that hard work can find you a way to be effective.  Being stubborn helps too.

So, you ask “what in the heck does that have to do with riding a bicycle?”  It has EVERYTHING to do with the way I ride a bicycle because it is an example of how hard work can bring success even if you aren’t born with the talent to lead out your team.  My riding style may be likened to brute force tactics.  Keep on my wheel if you can!  I can’t really sprint that well, and I’m just an okay climber, but I stick to the job at hand like a rider possessed.  The word “can’t” does not exist.  I don’t quit.  It is an example of how if and when something isn’t going my way, I pursue it like a rabid dog.  A rabid, salivating, snarling dog.  One that is stalking you and following you and harboring thoughts of domination…until I get it right.  Or learn how to get it done another way.  My way.

SHUT UP LEGS!

And as it turns out, to attain my recent success on the bike, I had to somehow give myself permission to ride hard.  I had to kick the tires and give myself a thorough going over before I could FINALLY accept that I could really push my limits again.  Would my heart be strong enough to beat 160 times a minute?  Would my lungs be good enough to support that effort?  What about my legs?  Sitting around for 9 hours a day at my job has done NOTHING to keep them toned and ready for any action at all.  I also had to accept that as I get older things don’t work the same.  Recovery takes longer, muscle-building takes like FOREVER, and stamina (which was the first to go) only comes after A LOT of hard work.  I had to test how deep I could reach within to do something that was hard, that was hurting me, and was nowhere CLOSE to easy.  And I had to come out of that with a clear idea of how to keep doing this thing that was causing great discomfort.  I had to get used to the fact that the little tiny seat my big fat ass was sitting on would never be comfortable.  How my shoulders would need to once again become accustomed to bending forward and holding up my big helmet-protected head for hours on end.  So I have been working hard and telling all the complaining parts of my body to just SHUT THE HELL UP!  And you know what?  It’s seems to be working.

Permission to succeed

Remember that Bike Month thing I mentioned?  To date I have recorded 564 miles and should be on my way to at least 700 miles before the month of May is finished.  During that time I will also have lost at least 10 pounds and should find my elevated blood pressure (for which I take daily medication) to be closer to normal readings.  I sleep better and more soundly these days, and also have a certain “calm”.  I could call it “complete and total exhaustion at night”, but I choose to name it: calm.

As a Fitness Check, there is a ride I do that is a round trip of 50 miles taking me from home to Folsom Lake.  Before I found out about the cancer I could get this ride complete in right around two and a half hours.  Maybe 2:15 on a good day.  My best effort (just prior to Levi’s Gran Fondo) finished this in two hours, eight minutes.  It is neither flat nor free of traffic.  Leaving the house I navigate through familiar neighborhoods for four miles, then hit the bike trail for the rest of the ride.  To get to the Lake there is a little uphill ramp to crest, and when at the top I take a mandatory break of 5 minutes for water and a little nourishment.  Home is next, and the day begins anew.

So, take a guess at what happened the first time I tried this.  My first “fitness check” saw me “bonk” on the way back!  Completely devoid of food/nourishment AND water, I had to stop riding.  I think I was about 8 miles from home when I called my wife to pick me up.  She is a dream and supports my riding in any way she can, and that day she met the Defeated Me four miles from the end of the ride.  I could go no further and I actually quit the ride early.  Ugh.  It is a horrible memory, and I think about it all the time.  But you know what?  It drives me forward.  Never to happen again, it could also be a testament to how far I will go to get/earn what is rightfully mine….fitness!  So I do the work, expect results, and try to keep a very short leash on these rotten memories.

Hard Work = positive results

I think “hard work garners positive results” is just one of those Life Lessons everyone should know.  Set a goal, work hard to get it done, don’t quit, and good things will happen for you.  Get busy, fail like crazy if you have to, but go out and do it until you get it right!  Until you do it to your own satisfaction and get the job done.  It’s a good thing.  Try it, you’ll like it.

Today’s Ride

So, I told you all that so I could tell you this: today’s ride to work was the best I have felt on the bike since I got back to cycling.  It was fantastic!  The seat caused me no pain at all.  My neck/shoulder area had nothing to say the entire way in.  My legs were silent while I busted a move in my best ITT position for miles 5 thru 7.  The lungs did their job without complaint and the heartbeat usually so loud I cannot ignore was nearly quiet.  Oh, I was working up a lather all right, but the cool 62 degree morning air and the LACK OF WIND (for once…the month of May has been super windy) made for a really nice morning, and I got to say it today: rode hard,put away wet.  Nice.  Permission to succeed?  Granted!

Success is just around the corner, I can FEEL it!  You know what else is just around the corner?  A Fitness Check.  Update to follow.

Peace to all.  Thanks for reading.

~david